The whole large event that sparked all of the controversy occurring now between the House Investigative Committee and Hillary Clinton and the other government officials in the State Department, all started with a man named Chris Stevens. Stevens was the ambassador between the United States and the Libyan government and he worked in the US consulate in Benghazi, Libya. He was placed there post-Qaddafi period in order to build relations with the Libyan government and help maintain the government so that rebels could not take over. Libya has been a mess of gunfire, dirt, blood, sand, and turmoil ever since the removal of Qaddafi from power and is an incredibly dangerous place to be right now. However since the involvement of Chris Stevens, relations have begun to improve.
After:
Libya is a country which has been in turmoil since anyone can remember. However, after the US finally established a foreign presence, we thought things would start to look up. In October of 2011, the murderous Libyan dictator Moammar Gadhafi was finally killed by a rebel uprising. Shortly after, within the next year, the United States sent Chris Stevens to the capital of Tripoli and erected a US consulate in the city of Benghazi. Stevens was quickly named the US ambassador to Libya and he began working with the rebel militia that had overthrown Gadhafi’s regime.
The revised paragraph is shorter but also much more to the point. I like this new paragraph a lot better and feel it better fits the style of a QRG.
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