Peer Review 1

I chose to peer review Gabby Marty's rough draft because I was very interested to see the controversy she found based on her major.

Here is her rough draft which I added some comments to:

Project 1 Draft

And here is the project rubric I created for her rough draft:

Project 1 Rubric

McPhee, Nic. Editing a Paper. 1/26/2008 via Flickr. Creative Commons License.

After reviewing this draft by Gabby, I realized that I still have quite of work to do to my own project to get it up to par with a good QRG. Although her draft was rather rough as well, she was able to include a lot more imagery in her writing than I included on mine and I really liked the way that spoke to the reader. I definitely still need to add a lot of "meat" to my project, but then after I have done that, I need to edit it for imagery and other the ability to really capture the reader. It shouldn't just all be facts facts facts.

Gabby's Mistakes:

• Very rough outline of what actually happened
• I want to make sure my reader knows exactly what is happening about 3 sentences into my QRG.
• Lack of QRG conventions (I.e. pictures, subheadings, bullet points) used throughout the piece.
• I want to make sure my piece is easy to read and flows nicely for the reader, as well as being a quick read.

Gabby's Successes:

• Very good use of imagery to describe the opening "scene" she sets for the reader so I really understood what it was like for this girl.
• I really need to include this imagery piece in my paper especially when describing my actual event, because this is what my whole controversy is based around obviously.
• Use of hyperlinks
• She used a bunch of hyperlinks which were really useful in expanding my knowledge of the story and the real-world effects it had and is still having across the media.